‘Without vulnerability, there is no courage’ – – Brené Brown
This last week, my husband and I had to run to the Valley on an errand, and as we drove down Topanga Canyon Blvd., I noticed the children at recess at the first elementary school we passed.
I was flooded with memories.
I grew up in the Valley and immediately flashed back to lining up and playing on the ‘monkey bars’…the start of my competitive streak.
How many bars or rings could I successfully skip without falling onto the black rubber mat below?
The resulting blisters and calluses were my trophies.
I noticed how so little has changed in the last 50+ years, except for the reinforced fencing around the school.
A sign of the times.
The year was 1970. I was in 6th grade and my best friend Lori and I were OBSESSED with basketball and the Los Angeles Lakers. Those were the days of Jerry West and Walt Chamberlain, and we never missed watching a game on Lori’s den TV (with rabbit ear antennas).
Lori’s dad installed a basketball hoop above their driveway, and we practiced shooting baskets every day.
Our grade school had two basketball courts. Lori and I would watch the boys play basketball during recess, but we didn’t play. We begged to be ‘picked,’ but never were.
Lori had enough.
She marched to the principal’s office (I sheepishly followed) and DEMANDED that girls got equal time on the basketball courts.
I don’t recall how long it took, but ultimately, we got HALF a court. We’ll take the win.
Suddenly more girls started to play basketball…
Lori did what I never had to courage to do at that age…to take a stand. Half a basketball court was just the beginning.
Back in those days, girls weren’t allowed to wear pants to school. It’s not easy to play basketball in a dress.
So, once again, Lori took a stand.
One day, she wore pants to school. It was scandalous!
And courageous.
Of course, she was immediately sent to the principal’s office and sent home to change.
She didn’t care. This was about a willingness to take a stand for what she believed wasn’t fair to us girls.
Within the next year or so, girls were allowed to wear pants…on Fridays. I credit Lori for that ‘win’ too.
So, what does this have to do with leadership?
Through her example, Lori taught me how to be courageous. I wanted to be like her…to be fearless in the face of adversity. Lori continued to show that same courage when she battled Hodgkins Lymphoma and the subsequent pneumonia that took her life at the age of 29.
Life’s teachers aren’t always teachers in the traditional sense. Lori’s intention wasn’t to teach, but she did, just by being.
Regardless of the context, we have a responsibility to model leadership for those around us.
As a parent, I modeled good and bad parenting for my son. When that time comes, I hope he remembers the good stuff…and maybe learns from the bad, choosing to do it differently.
As leaders in the workplace, the same applies. Our team members look to us as we make decisions…hold people accountable…have the tough conversations.
- If we want our team to be curious, we must model curiosity.
- If we want our team to practice self-accountability, we must hold ourselves accountable.
- If we want our team to share their wins and losses, we must practice that same vulnerability.
We teach leadership by BEING leaders people want to follow.
Here are a few tips to be the leader you want to create in others:
Start with you. What are your values? Why are they important to you? How do your values influence how you lead others?
Courage is one of my core values. I attribute this to Lori…she showed me how change can happen when you take a stand for something you believe in.
In the workplace, it shows up as a willingness to ask questions. To kindly, but directly, call out something that must be said. To do the right thing even if its unpopular.
If you’re not sure what your values are, look no further than the people you hold in high regard. What is it about them you admire? What words would you use to describe them? What common qualities are you noticing among them?
Name it. What attributes describe the best leaders you’ve worked with? One that’s top of mind for me is presence. I can recall a couple of leaders I’ve work for or with who were highly skilled at making you feel like you were the only person in the room.
Conversely, I can also remember a leader or two who rarely made eye contact, didn’t prepare for our meeting, or allowed a ringing phone to disrupt our conversation. I knew where I stood in their list of priorities. Pretty low.
Be intentional. Leadership, in any context, is a responsibility. Don’t take it lightly, or for granted. You’re likely influencing those around without knowing it.
Don’t assume people aren’t watching. They are. They’re paying attention and learning how to be a leader from your example. Are you creating good leaders?
All these years later, Lori continues to be my north star. When the situation calls for courage, the question becomes:
What would Lori do?