OMG! We have THREE!
A few months ago, we potted a milkweed plant with the hope of attracting butterflies. My fantasy included me drinking that first cup of coffee and watch them fluttering about. That’s it, and that is also the limit of my ‘milkweed = butterflies’ knowledge.
Today was anticipated to be a hot, triple-digit day, so I decided to deep-soak our potted plants. When I got to the milkweed, I saw them…
Three caterpillars.
You would think it was my birthday. I threw down the hose and ran into the house to alert my husband to this important development.
OMG! We have three caterpillars! Come look!
After a few minutes admiring these three chubby insects, it occurred to me…
Wait, what do we do?
Panic started to set in. I have no idea what I should do next.
Google it.
Of course. I grabbed my phone.
And of course, I get the perfect non-answer: It depends.
Depends on what?
Unless you want to raise butterflies, leave it alone.
Leave it alone. Do you KNOW me?
Never shying away from getting a second opinion, I contacted a friend who knows about these things. She responded:
Leave it alone.
Got it. Confirmation received.
As I write this, I’m embarrassed at my arrogance. Somehow, I thought MY intervention into a natural process would make a difference. Yeah…likely a negative one.
Arrogance. There’s a word to chew on.
Here are a few synonyms: self-importance, egotism, bluster, pretention, insolence, hubris, and my personal favorite…
…bumptiousness. HUH?
My guess is that you’re reading those words and thinking: NOT ME!
And I know why: we wrap our arrogance in a soft blanket of good intentions, like ‘they need my help.’
Do they? Really?
So, what does this have to do with leadership?
Oh wow…can we count the ways?
When I started my coaching practice, I wanted to assess the effectiveness of different 360° feedback tools. The last team I managed was willing to play along, so I asked each of them to provide me with feedback on my leadership using an assessment I was excited about.
The feedback was great…my scores were good. Of course, that felt great, AND…the real gold is in their anecdotal responses to the usual questions, like:
What do you appreciate about them?
What piece of advice would you give them?
One respondent shared something that I’ll never forget.
Camille has such a strong work ethic that she can sometimes take too much onto herself, which can be mistaken as a lack of confidence in her team members.
Ouch. And thank you.
We were a small team with a lot of work, and while I know they appreciated my help to execute on all our projects, my ‘good intentions’ were read as ‘don’t you trust us?’
Of course I did, AND instead of asking if they needed help, I road in on my white horse to save the day. Because I could.
But at what cost?
As leaders, our action (or inaction) sets the tone. Here are a few tips to ensure you’re leading vs. impeding.
Stay in your lane. Yes, I understand that in extenuating circumstances, we need to go ‘all hands-on deck’ to get the work done. This should be the exception, not the rule.
So, if you have a nasty habit of ‘it’ll only take me 5 minutes to do this,’ versus delegating it to the person who SHOULD be doing it, get a Post-It and write these three words…then post it where you can see it:
Is this mine?
If the answer is yes, then do it. If the answer is no, then delegate it. That’s how you get it done.
Take the temperature. Get feedback from your team. Whether you want to admit it or not, you have blind spots. I wish I knew sooner that my ‘wanting to help so my team isn’t overwhelmed’ was sending a different message.
My favorite feedback loop includes three questions…maybe you’ve seen this before:
- What should I STOP doing?
- What should I START doing?
- What should I CONTINUE doing?
You’ll know you’re on the right track when your team asks YOU the same questions!
Trust the process. TRUST is the operative word here. Trust that your team knows what they need. As leaders, our role is to create an environment that allows our teams to thrive and deliver results.
Do your part. Be there. Ask what they need. Deliver what you promise.
I know a little more this afternoon than I did this morning about the ‘milkweed/butterfly’ process, so I’m going to ‘leave them alone’ and trust that nature knows what it’s doing.
I’ll do my part…I’ll keep creating an environment that allows them to thrive…they’ll spread their wings when they’re ready!