We have to make a decision…
That Thursday was ‘go/no-go’ day.
My husband and I were excited to head to Hawaii for our first vacation since the pandemic.
Ah yes…Covid. That nasty virus that’s here to stay.
I recently attended a women’s conference in Atlanta. I delivered a workshop, participated in a panel presentation, and conducted some ‘laser’ coaching during the event. It was amazing!
I didn’t know (I do NOW!) that the Atlanta airport is the BUSIEST airport in the country. That certainly was my experience as I navigated the never-ending TSA line before getting to my gate to come home.
So, who knows where I picked it up, but sure enough…two days after arriving home, I started to feel like crap.
The next day, I was worse…and I knew I needed to take a Covid test.
The test instructions say you need to wait 20 minutes for a result. I didn’t need the 20 minutes. The result was clear. Fast.
This was six days before we were scheduled to leave for our trip.
As the week progressed, I started to feel better, and I also knew the ‘go/no-go’ decision was coming.
I was getting lots of unsolicited help with that decision.
- ‘You’re feeling better? Go anyway!’
- ‘It’s not that big a deal anymore.’
- ‘How’s your husband feeling? If he’s okay, just go!’
Ugh…it was a tough one. One that I knew hinged on the results of the Thursday test.
Positive. Again. I think the ‘test’ line showed up before the ‘control’ line.
Dammit.
My disappointment was through the roof. We’ve had some bad luck with planned trips this year, and this was just one more to add to the list.
Images of what that week in Hawaii would have looked like flooded my mind. I imagined my whole nervous system slowing down as we relaxed on the beach.
Time to decide. Do we risk it and move forward with the trip? Or cancel.
We decided to cancel and try again next spring.
Now, here’s what’s interesting. As soon as we made the decision, I could breathe again. As I look back now on that week, I was sick AND I felt like I was holding my breath.
With the decision no longer hanging over my head I realized this level of acceptance. This whole situation was outside of my control, but the decision to go or not go was completely in our hands.
Ironically, my nervous system started to slow down…simply because we made a decision.
Sure, I was disappointed. Then, as soon as I detached from what was outside my control, I relaxed and accepted the outcome.
So, what does this have to do with leadership?
I have talked about change before in this newsletter, and as leaders, how we navigate change sets the stage for how others navigate it.
It’s natural to be attached to the status quo. With any change, there is a cost…and the amount varies based on how we respond. We want to control the uncontrollable.
Here are a few tips to help others navigate their disappointment around an unexpected change or any other negative workplace experience.
Listen. When we are given the space to honestly and openly express our disappointment, we take the sting out of it. As leaders, listening to UNDERSTAND is key.
Note that this doesn’t mean solving it or trying to alleviate the disappointment…you’re just creating a psychologically safe space for your team member to express how they feel.
Here’s what ‘understanding’ might sound like:
- ‘Wow, I can hear how disappointed you are.’
- ‘I know a change like this can feel scary and uncomfortable.’
- ‘I completely understand how you’re feeling.’
Empower. When things don’t go our way, we can feel powerless. As a leader, how can you return some sense of control to your team member?
By reminding them what IS within their control.
This can be as simple as inviting the team member to continue the conversation. What decisions are they empowered to make for themselves?
When I got that final positive test, my first reaction was to apologize…I wasn’t the only one not going to Hawaii that weekend.
My husband was great. He reminded me that this was out of my control, and that we had options. Together, we decided on our next steps.
Coach. When we feel stuck, we struggle to find a way out. As leaders, we can help others navigate their way out by asking questions that inspire forward thinking.
- ‘What is the REAL challenge for you here?’ (one of my favorite Michael Bungay Stanier coaching questions…it gets to the root of the problem!)
- ‘What opportunities are possible as a result of this situation?’
- ‘Which strengths can you leverage to help you navigate this situation?’
It’s unlikely these are one-off conversations…navigating unexpected change and the disappointment that accompanies it takes time. As leaders, we meet others where they are by helping them focus on what they can control and detaching from what they can’t.
As I finish writing this newsletter, enough time has passed to acknowledge my disappointment that came with canceling that trip AND I’m looking forward to getting on that plane next spring…fingers crossed!
Aloha! 🌺