What a jerk!
As I write this, I’m on a plane on my way to a women’s leadership event and I’m operating on about 3 hours of sleep.
My adventure started at about 5am in the TSA line. I always attempt to make eye contact with the TSA staff, followed by a smile, with hopes that it makes some difference as we navigate bins, carry-ons, laptops…you get the picture.
I know it’s not personal, but geez…it felt like it was.
I know the drill…I took off my jacket and untied my shoes before I even got to the front of the line. And yet, it was clear I wasn’t moving fast enough.
‘Put your bag in a bin!’, follow by…
‘Get in line!’
The colleague with whom I’m traveling has TSA Precheck (smart!) and was waiting for me once I emerged from the gauntlet.
‘Geez…what an _______!’
After I shared a bit of what happened, my friend reminded me that maybe, just maybe, they are at the end of a long shift and they’re tired.
‘Yeah, maybe…’
Okay, so I can see that I was reacting to MY feelings about the experience.
And as I give myself a little grace (after only 3 hours of sleep), I can try to see it from THEIR perspective.
As I sit here with the benefit of hindsight and reflection, I can see how I was ripe for a reaction like this: I was hungry, tired, and thought I was doing my best in what is rarely a flawless situation.
Making assumptions about others is never a good idea, and instead of assuming best intent (maybe they’re hungry, tired and trying to do their best too), I took it personally.
There’s a lot of this going around these days. We’re less than a week away from the election here in the US, and a little more than half of the country got the result that wanted, and the rest didn’t. My guess is there’s shock (based on a few assumptions) going all around.
Some of the language I’ve seen online includes:
‘They don’t get it.’
‘They aren’t seeing the bigger picture.’
‘You don’t understand MY needs.’
Now, imagine a workplace where these same sentiments are shared.
So, what does this have to do with leadership?
The workplace is an ecosystem of different goals, values, beliefs and priorities.
And humans…
We’re all trying to get our work done, often relying on others to make that happen.
Here are a few tips to help our teams work well with others while navigating competing goals.
Stop making assumptions. As a coach, I frequently find myself challenging my client’s beliefs about what’s happening in a specific situation.
Me: ‘How do you know that?’
Them: ‘Well, I don’t.’
Me: ‘Okay, how CAN you know?’
Ah, the precursor to what is perceived as a ‘difficult conversation.’ Another assumption.
I often share a communication planning template with my clients…it helps them prepare for ANY communication, written or verbal, often starting with this question:
‘What is the outcome you want?’
Begin with the end, then work backwards. What are the key points you want to make? What do you want them to do, both generally and specifically?
AND…importantly, what’s your INTENTION?
Which brings us to…
Find common ground. I have heard more than once that as divided as we may seem, we have more in common than we know. We just haven’t been too interested in learning what that is.
If you want someone to understand you, consider seeking to understand them first. When we sincerely want to understand another’s point of view, we may learn that our goals align more than we thought.
Start with the low-hanging fruit. What one (possibly small) thing can you both agree on?
‘Hey Steve! Thanks for meeting with me. My goal for this call is to come to an agreement about next steps on this project.’
‘I think we can both agree that completing this project on time and with the desired outcome is important.’
‘I’d love to hear from you what you think is key to making that happen.’
‘Thanks for sharing that with me! I’d love to share my perspective as well and hear any questions you might have.’
See? Not too ‘difficult.’
Then, all you need to do is…
Keep communicating. Look, I get it. It takes two. Or more. Maybe the walls are up and seem pretty impenetrable.
As you continue to navigate competing goals and priorities, keep looking for common ground. Keep reminding them where you ARE aligned and reflect back on your shared goals.
Leverage curiosity. Ask questions that will help you gather information that will help you learn about anything that’s changed.
My colleague suggested that if I want to avoid this travel challenge in the future, I should enroll in TSA Precheck…and I did that on the plane ride home.
I’m ASSUMING this will make any future travel a little less bumpy…